


You'll Feel a Pinch...

by HappyPoodle



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (Tony uses the word 'cripple' in a derogatory way towards himself), Brief (non-graphic) mention of needles, Chronic Pain, Derogatory Language, Disability, Hurt! Tony, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyPoodle/pseuds/HappyPoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone thought the Arc Reactor had fixed everything. It had saved Tony's life, that was true. But having a giant hole with your chest came with complications. Tony had it under control; no need to bother the team with his problems. He was enough of a burden as it was. And it was fine....mostly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Fine

Tony landed beside the rest of the team. He rolled his shoulder, trying not to groan as he felt it ache. He’d pulled something. _Again._ “God-damn it.” He muttered. It was an after-effect of having a giant hole cut in his chest. All of his muscles were out of balance and full of scar tissue. Some days, he felt like he pulled something every time he moved. Most of the time, it was okay. He’d gotten used to constant ache in his chest, learned to tune it out until it was only a faint buzz in the background. Most of the time. Some of the time, like today, he just wanted be able to fight without being in pain. Just once. 

“Tony!”

He jerked his head up to look at Steve. “What?”

“I _said_ , are you injured?”

He shook his head. “Nah. I’m good.” He knew better to annoy the team by complaining every time something hurt.

Steve gave him a hard look. “Are you sure? Your shoulder seemed to be bothering you when you landed.”

Tony gave a shrug, glad the armor covered this wince when the movement pulled at his shoulder. “Just a pulled muscle. It’ll be fine.”

“ _Again?_ ” Clint asked incredulously. “Geeze Stark, you’ve gotta take better care of yourself. What’re you gonna be like when you’re older?”

Tony’s stomach lurched. “Fuck you.” He snarled, stalking away. He threw a punch at a piece of rubble as he walked past it. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.” He chanted to himself, trying to use his rage to keep him focused, keep the creeping dread away. _‘When you’re older’_ ….He shoved the thought away. No point in throwing himself a pity party. Time to pull himself together and deal with this. “Jarvis, set something up with Amber please. Preferably for today.”

*******************************************************************************************

Amber was Tony’s physiotherapist. She was very good and very evil.

“It’s a good thing you’re so nice.” Tony told her as he lay down on the padded table. “It would be too easy to hate you otherwise.”

Amber just shook her head as she prodded at Tony’s shoulder. “This is a good one. You’re not going to think I’m so nice in a minute.”

“Oh. Great.” Tony muttered letting his head flop back against the table. “I’m so excited.”

Amber laughed. “Hey, whatever floats your boat.” She stepped around behind him and put both hands back on his shoulder. “Ready?”

Tony took a deep breath and nodded. _Fuck!_ His shoulder screamed as Amber dug her fingers into the muscle. He forced himself to keep breathing. _In….out….In….out…._ “Ah!” He cried out as she hit an especially sore spot. He brought his other hand up to his mouth and bit down hard on his knuckles.

“Okay.” Amber said calmly. “That’s the spot. Ready for stage 2?”

Tony nodded and looked away. Stage 2 involved needles. He _hated_ needles. He hated everything about this. Hated that he had to do it, hated how much it hurt, hated that he was here on his own…

“You’ll feel a pinch.”

It was more than a pinch.

******************************************************************************************

Tony rolled his shoulder and groaned as he waited for the coffee to brew. Amber worked miracles, but it left him feeling like he’d been hit by a truck the next day. 

“Shoulder still bothering you?”

Tony jumped and whirled around to face Steve. “ _Jesus Christ!_ You’re going to give me a heart attack!”

Steve winced and backed up a step. “Sorry. But if it’s still giving you pain, maybe you should get it checked out.” 

Tony shook his head. “It’s fine.”

Steve sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose. “Tony…”

“It _always_ hurts.” Tony gritted out between his teeth.

“What?” Steve dropped his hand and stared at Tony.

“I’ve got a fucking hole in my chest.” Tony waved at the arc reactor. “I’ve got more scar tissue than muscle, and the muscles all fucked up trying to deal with the giant metal thing that isn’t supposed to be there.” All his frustration from the week bubbled to the surface. “I spend a quarter of my life at physiotherapy just keeping myself functioning! I train just to be able to do the fucking training without totally fucking myself up. And the “spa” is a physiotherapist who sticks giant fucking needles into me! So maybe don’t lecture me on taking care of myself when you can’t even get a fucking cold!”

Steve had taken two steps back and was looking at him with concern. “Tony-”

“It’s fine.” Tony felt tears prickling at his eyes and scrubbed them away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that. It’s just been a long week.”

“No.” Steve reached out and gently grabbed Tony’s hand. “You don’t have to apologize. I had no idea you had to deal with that.”

Tony shook his head. “It’s just…” His voice broke as the tears returned. “It’s just been a long week.” He sniffed. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Tony,” Steve said gently, “I might not be able to get a cold _now_ , but time was I couldn’t _stop_ getting them. I know what it’s like to be in pain; to feel like you’re body’s betraying you. And I know how hard it is to do that alone.”

Tony looked away. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not.” Steve said firmly. “All those times I’ve given you a hard time for missing training, every time Clint gives you a hard time for getting injured…”

“It’s _fine _!” Tony repeated. “You didn’t know.”__

__“I do now.” Steve said firmly. “I’m going to do better.”_ _

__“I don’t need your pity.” Tony snarled._ _

__“Oh believe me,” Steve said in a low voice, “this isn’t pity.”_ _

__Tony watched him walk away and trying to ignore the way Steve’s voice had set heat curling up his spine. He hadn’t meant it like that. No one wanted a cripple._ _


	2. I can hold your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Steve knows, what will he do? Will Tony be off the team?

Tony was head-and-shoulders deep in his suit upgrade, trying to ignore the persistent ache in his shoulder, when Jarvis spoke up. 

“Captain Rogers has left a message for you sir. He has alerted the team you will not be attending the training exercise today.”

Tony froze. He’d forgotten all about the training exercise. He knew he should be glad Steve was telling the team. This way, they wouldn’t hassle him about missing another exercise. But he wanted to train. He wanted to be strong. Steve’s words from the helicarrier had been right. Without the suit, he was nothing. A liability. And no matter how hard he tried to change that, he couldn’t do it. He threw his wrench against the wall. He knew it was stupid and childish, but he couldn’t help himself. “It’s not fair Jarvis! This fucking hole in my chest, all of it!” He could feel his shoulder starting to ache already from throwing the wrench and the despair doubled him over. “Can’t I just have _one_ day?” He didn’t know if he wanted to scream or cry. There was a gaping hole deep inside him. The first time he’d felt like this he’d wondered if it _was_ possible to die from a broken heart. Now he knew better. You didn’t die, you just _hurt_. He put his hand to his mouth and bit down hard. He didn’t stop until he tasted blood. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough. But he didn’t have a choice. Eventually, his sobs stopped and he straightened up. “Okay Jarvis, enough with the pity party. Let’s get to work.”

“Yes sir.” Jarvis said. If he sounded sad, it must have been in Tony’s head. 

*************************************************************************************

 

“Going to take me off the team?” Tony asked when Steve stepped into the lab a couple of hours later.

“What?”” Steve jerked away. “No! Of course not!”

“You should.” Tony said derisively. “Outside the suit I’m useless! One blow to the chest and I’m done.”

“Enough!” Steve said sharply. “Tony, you flew a nuke into the wormhole! You are the bravest person I know and the furthest thing from worthless that this team has! To push through pain like you’ve been doing this whole time…” Steve shook his head. “I just wish you’d told me earlier. It doesn’t have to be this hard.”

“What do you mean?” Tony asked warily.

“There are things we can do.” Steve said. “We can find a physiotherapist to supervise our sparring and help you find ways to fight that work for _you_. We can put together an after-action plan like we have for Bruce.” 

_Oh_. Tony blinked at Steve. “But I shouldn’t need…”

“Bullshit.” Steve said forcefully. “If Clint lost his arm, what would you do?”

“Build him a prosthetic.” Tony said instantly. “Although really, given what passes as prosthetic, I wouldn’t want to call it that. It would be an upgrade.”

“Exactly.” Steve said. “So why should you be the only one on this team who doesn’t deserve a little help?” 

Tony was momentarily speechless. “I...don’t know?” It must have been the right answer, because Steve smiled at him; one of those warm smiles that went straight to Tony’s knees. 

“We - _I_ \- care about you, Tony.” Steve stepped a little closer. “If it takes a little more work to keep you on the team, so be it. You’re more than worth it.”

Tony blushed and looked down. “Okay, well, I’ve got a physiotherapist I can recommend. And I can…”

“Uh, uh.” Steve shook his head. “I’ve got a beer and an ice pack waiting for you upstairs. Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow.” He wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder and pulled him towards the elevator. “You wouldn't want to stand me up, would you?”. 

Tony let himself be pulled forward. _Stand him up? Like a_ date _?_ He shook his head. _Don’t be ridiculous._ “You really need a girlfriend, Cap.”

Steve sighed. “You know, for a genius, you can be kind of an idiot sometimes.”

“Oh. So boyfriend then?” Tony tried to keep his voice even. 

“No. No boyfriend.” Steve stopped and turned Tony to face him. “Just you.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tony’s. “All I want is you.”

 

**********************************************************************************************

Tony settled himself on Amber’s table and looked up at Steve. “You know you don’t have to be here for this, right? It’s not like you can fix it.” 

“I know. But I can hold your hand.” Steve squeezed his hand. “And I know I can’t tell you it will be okay. But I _can_ tell you that I will be there even if it isn’t.”

“You don’t have to...” Tony started. 

“I want to.” Steve interrupted. “I want to be there for every minute.” He smiled. “ I can’t take away your pain. But I can do _this_.”He leaned in and kissed Tony, long and deep. This time, Tony didn’t feel the pinch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I hope this is up to your expectations. I wanted to keep it short and sweet- it isn't going to resolve everything, but that is kind of the point. Things like this don't resolve, but they can get better. 
> 
> I HIGHLY recommend the episode "Noelle" from The West Wing if this chapter speaks to you.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr9anjiIW6U


End file.
